I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Sober January is a disaster.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
