Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
