12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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