one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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