When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
