I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
