i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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