70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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