I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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