I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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