Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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