How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
