And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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