"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
