i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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