I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
