It's like God shit irony all over that family
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
