so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
