Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
