he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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