Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
