fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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