Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
