You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
