i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
