whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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