Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
