this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
