coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
