Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
