dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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