considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
