I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Boobs speak an international language.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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