Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
