Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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