Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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