Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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