Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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