I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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