I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
