sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
