So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
