So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
