We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
