this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
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