So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
just tell him i said nine months
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It's official drugs can't kill me
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
