I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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