I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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