This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
