People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
