Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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