based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
